Actions Speak Louder Than Words

There has never been a more truthful statement/quote in the world. I truly, with my whole heart believe that. and here's why...

Words, to me, have never meant a lot; which is weird for someone who talks as much as I do AND I'm a communication major. But whatever, words are just words. Anybody can say anything and most people just use their words to get what they want (oh gosh, I sure am pessimistic, but that's another post for another day).

Obviously the big one that you're all thinking about is *I love you*, and I'll start with that but it goes soooo much deeper than that. My cousin sister once said to me that I use *love* too much ... I LOVE this song, I LOVE this person, I LOVE this place, when she didn't really think I LOVED all that stuff. Which is probably true ... no way I still LOVE that song that I was raving about (shit, I can't even remember what the song was and I remember the rest of that day as clear as day). And she's right, people throw that word and phrase around like it's nothing and I don't think people truly understand it's meaning.

To me, it's more important to show that you love me, love something, love a place. I honest to gosh LOVE New York and Company. I think they can be overpriced sometimes but I still shop there because I LOVE that store. I love how I feel in the clothes, I enjoy the shopping experience, and can use coupons to get the prices more manageable. So yea, I can say I LOVE NY & Co, mostly because I SHOW it.

Now I've never been in a relationship and therefore may not understand how important it is for your significant other to say *I love you* but from the outside looking in, I feel like it's more important to show it than to say it. How many stories have there been about women getting beat by the man who *loved them*? I'm sorry, you say you LOVE me but you beat me?! I would much rather you cook me dinner, rub my feet, or take me out and NOT say I love you than say I love you and beat me! Of course there are exceptions to every rule - there are people who say I love you and mean it and show it.

I think people get caught up in the huge-ness of that *step* in a realtionship and forget to look and see it shown. I truly believe that you can see that someone loves you long before they say those words. *I love you* can be shown better than it can be said.

Actions speak louder than words in the work place as well. Can I tell you how many times I was told while I was at Velocity how great I was? *Stacy, you do great work.* *You're an asset to this team* *I don't know what we would do without you, Stacy* Um, look where I am now - laid off, no job prospects and nope, never got a raise while I was there. Yes, it is GREAT to hear those words but after hearing them day in and day out with no results (promotion, money, bigger projects, etc.) you start to think, who cares. I think in the work place, people use words to bide time. The higher ups think that if they give you confidence that you'll think that that's okay instead of what you want ... bullshit.

It's happened at all my jobs - I can't just single out Velocity. When I worked with the basketball team, I was named MVP but when I graduated they gave the Dir of Bball Ops to someone else - she was OBV the MVP. My work with externals relations - most of it volunteer for free - was always praised yet when I graduated they waited a year to create a new position for someone else. Yes, it was a new position but read the job description and it's what I did for 3 years, mostly for free. Sweet.

In the work place a lot of it comes down to money so if you're going to say I'm great, show me by giving me some more money. Or how about showing you have confidence in me by increasing my work load ... that REALLY shows me that you think I'm great.

I think people should focus less on the words and more on their actions ... show me you love. show me care. show me you think I'm amazing. SHOW ME!

Smooches.
S

Thoughts ...

Just a warning ... this is NOT about what has been happening in my life lately. Mostly because nothing is happen but also because I have a few things that have been weighing heavily on me lately ... you've been warned!

So, I've decided that I'm probably not going to get married and strongly believe there is a good chance I will be alone forever. And, no, this isn't a pity party - listen to what I have to say! As we all know, I am a fairly independent woman. And I love that! But I think in my years of becoming independent, I've made myself believe that I don't NEED anyone and when I find myself needing someone else, I get mad at myself for not being able to do it on my own and distance myself.

I don't mind accepting help but it has to be on my own terms and even then I can get attitude about it. Yet I always seem to want to jump in and help others with their problems, whether I'm asked or not. hmmm, not right, right?! I think this, among other things, stops me from opening up to men thus stopping the relationship from growing. Especially since the men that I am mostly attracted to are athletes, Alpha males, etc. ... you can't have 2 Alpha dogs in one relationship, can you!?

But then when I do open up I get overly emotional and start to cry. And I am seriously convinced that dudes don't know what to do when girls cry. I honestly think they can't handle it and just shut down by either saying stupid shit or laughing or leaving the situation. While I've said in recent months with everyone and their freaking brother getting married and popping out kids that I don't want that right now (and I sure as hell do NOT!), I think I want the beginning stages of that. I would love to be in a committed relationship and have someone to share my life with. Yes, I have friends but I feel like being in a committed relationship kind of obligates the other person to care whereas friendships has a lil bit less of obligation because everyone has multiple friends but only one significant other (in a perfect world).

Ugh, I gotta work on this ... I can barely put it into words yet I need to work on it. oh boy ...
I just hope I don't end up alone forever :/

Next time ... friends, growing up, and life!

Smooches.
S

Bad news ... Good news

Welp, didn't get the job at WCU. It was quite the blow - to my confidence, self-esteem, and just whole well-being. They said they enjoyed having me on campus and stuff but were going in a different direction. It sucks; as much as I didn't want to move to the middle of nowhere, it was a great opportunity that I missed out on :/

Good news - got a promotion at my current job. It's a full-time position ... I don't know all the details yet but more money and more hours. Probably a lil bit more stress but a LITTLE stress never hurt nobody. I had an eye opening experience on Saturday - working at the Toy store. Frankly I only did it to help out and get some more money, I mean, how bad could it be!??! HORRIBLE ... HORR-I-BLE!!!!! They had me on the floor cleaning up - usually not a problem but I don't know anything about toys and can't tell anyone where ANYTHING is. And not to mention the manager was RUDE. As in, talked down to me. Um hi, I am doing you a favor - treat me with a little respect. PLEASE.

Another great sermon today - 2009 is just a test. I keep getting disappointed and discouraged but it's just a test. I'm gonna pass! I'm going to be serving on the creative programming committee - my church's event planning arm - and I'm rather excited! I've been working some events doing some bartending and it makes me miss event planning SO MUCH. All I do at these events is think about all the events I've planned and how much fun I have on event day. I remember the stress but I also remember the fun and excitement and praise from the client! I thought I would miss kissing client ass but I don't! I really miss event planning ... I'm trying to get back into it anyway I can. I'm serious, like government, not-for-profit, weird government organizations - ANYTHING!!!

Can I tell you about the weird guys I have met in Atlanta?!?! I mean there are some special dudes out here. I don't think my standards are too high - maybe they are - but the dudes down here just don't measure up. I'm sorry, the guys that I have met don't measure up. One dude I met tried to talk to me with cheese hanging out of his nasty mouth and then proceeded to say some of the nastiest thing I have ever heard in my life - NO JOKE - 5 min after we met! This other dude SEEMED cool but was pushy (thinking he knows me and why I'm "acting" the way I am) and then wanted to meet at the mall. I'm sorry, I'm not in high school. I go to the mall to shop, not meet dudes. LOL. It took 2 heart-2-hearts for me to make sure I wasn't trippin but I made the right decision.

I've met some cool people I work with but I'm still trying to figure all those people out. They aren't always as they seem and I've been surprised too much by some of them already. I will be treading lightly... But one Mama Mia is a great friend who is gonna hook me up with a sweet dude. She had the nerve to ask "do you like sweet dudes?" ... um, no, I prefer the ones who beat and ignore me. Yea, those are the dudes for me, Mia! LOL!!!!!! Yes, I like sweet dudes, just haven't found one yet!

Lost more weight, down another size! Almost time for Thanksgiving at home, then NYC for Christmas, and who knows what for New Years! Hopefully starting 2010 off right :)

That's all for now ... smooches!

Update ...

Well, I don't know about the job but am going to make a call tomorrow. Hopefully they are continuing their procrastination and I will have in fact received the job! but I'm not getting my hopes up tooooo much!

What else is going on?!?! Babies R Us frustrates me to no end! I enjoy having something to do but it seems like the corporate office makes things harder than they need to be. It's freaking ridiculous ... and annoying as all hell! There are a few cool people who work there so I guess I'll stay. Well, I don't really have any other options so I'm stuck!

I worked an event for my "second" job this weekend. It was a pretty lame Halloween party but I met a guy!!! :) A nice guy who called me to make sure I got home okay. It started out quite nice - it was freaking cold in the ballroom and I asked him to borrow his jacket. He obliged and we talked for most of the rest of the night. Then he asked for my number, said I was cute, and called me an hour later to make sure I was safe. SO FREAKING SWEET! Now, let's see his next move ...

Eagles won big today! My Eagles boyfriend was NOT there again - 2nd week in a row! I'm not happy AT ALL! There was this other guy there who I met last week - Giants fan - he's kinda cool but a lil bit older than I like. And, he's a Giants fan ... that would never work! Just kidding ... kind of.

Job market is really slow ... there aren't a lot of jobs posted. My mom continues to look for me as well and finally realizes what I've been telling her - THERE ARE NO JOBS! I'm trying to stay positive but it's hard. And to make matters worse, my insurance goes up next month ... like 31274987134%, it's actually quite ridiculous! It's stressful and I'm not very good at dealing with stress. Even when it's stuff that I can't control. I actually probably focus on that stuff more than the other stuff ... like what I eat. Lately, I've been eating like crap. I think the only reason I'm not gaining weight is because I don't eat very often and I'm working out 5 days a week. UGH!

I really need to get away. I know it sounds ridiculous - I work part-time and workout - what is so stressful about my life?! Well, what is hard is not having any of my girls down here. I've met some really nice girls here and have fun with them but I miss doing the little things. I miss the fun we have getting ready to go out, being able to stop over for a mome, and always having someone to hang out with ... even if it's to do NOTHING. I miss doing nothing with my girls more than anything!

That's all for now ... Yankees and Sunday evening TV. It's the best time of year!!! :)