Minor Breakdown ... Major Meltdown

I had a minor, itty, bitty meltdown last week that escalated into a MAJOR meltdown :(

I was coming home from the gym and had a thought: "what if this is it? what if THIS is my life?! Babies R Us, gym, then home alone ... that's so depressing!" And that's when I lost it ... just could NOT stop crying and freaking out that this was what my life was going to boil down to. I honestly hadn't been that sad and depressed in years ... it scared me how easy it was for me to fall back into that depressive state.

I went to work the next day and it just ate at me. It REALLY got bad when I realized that most of the clowns I work with make more money than me and do FAR less. Then I hit rock bottom when I realized that I can't even pay my bills without help from my parents. Yes, I am so thankful to have them to lean on but at the age of almost 27, with 2 degrees and a plethora of experience and a SPARKLING personality, I was hoping to have a stable job (that I kinda sorta liked), along with a fantastic social life, my own house (or saved up just about enough for a down payment) and a super sweet boyfriend (but that one is definitely one that could wait!). So, for the next couple of days I was in what felt like a meltdown. I felt like everything that I had worked so hard for was slipping through my fingers. And fast.

It's hard ... it's a daily struggle. It's hard to keep my head up and think "this is only temporary." But, what pulled me up and keeps me going is my family. And my friends ... old and new, near and far. And God ... God actually comes first. He's super awesome and loves ME!!! My family is my great support system and my TRUE friends are there when I need them.

I got off track - I was on an entirely different highway!!! But I'm back on track and just need a little bit of focus in my life. That focus comes from:
- applying for 2 jobs EVERY day (Mon-Sat)
- exercising 4x a week
- making time for friends and social activities
- NOT over working myself about things I can't control (ie BRU)

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASEEEEEE hold me responsible. I need my support system to do just a little bit more to help me get to the next stage. I love my family and friends and am just waiting to love my job ... so I can buy a house I love and find a man to love :)

Smooches,
S