Thoughts on Relationships.......

I don't really know how to start this, so I'll just jump in!

I just turned 29 and a lot of people my age are starting to get married and pop out kids... some are even on their 3rd and 4th!!! While I think 3 or 4 kids at my age (any age really) is a bit much (not for me - to each their own though), I'm definitely ready for the marriage part. Okay, definitely not MARRIAGE but definitely a relationship/partnership with someone.

Since moving to Atlanta I haven't really been that impressed with the dating scene. It's far to expensive to go out (cover charge, long lines, costly drinks, blah blah blah) - not to mention, am I really going to meet "The One" at the club, "dropping it low"?!?! lol, probably not! As you may have heard, the ratio to men to women is quite heavily favors men and I have found that that makes it harder for good women to stand out.

Now if I'm going to be COMPLETELY honest, I haven't really put myself out there as much as I could have (or should have, if I want to complain about it) but this isn't the place for my laundry list of excuses! I say it all the time, gotta get out to meet someone because Mr. Right is CLEARLY not in my apartment! Unfortunately, that's the only place I want to be - I'm a homebody!!!

I've met a lot of nice guys/dudes/men/gentlemen here in Atlanta.... I've met some at church, a few at work, and a couple at events that I've worked and through those people. But for one reason or another, it wasn't in the cards. I know where a lot of it comes from - my lack of self-esteem and experience. I'll set my eyes on someone and wait.... and wait.... and wait.... then the opportunity is gone (or what I thought the opportunity was).

A few months, I saw myself morphing into someone I did NOT like; I made some very questionable decisions (that still shame me to this day) and was not the kind of person I would want to be around. I could feel myself changing into someone I didn't like. And then a good friend of mine challenged me to 30 days of positivity. When she first brought it up, I said "no way, not gonna happen, not possible, blah blah blah!" but we agreed and I wanted to try this challenge. Much to my surprise, it's possible to be positive ALL. THE. TIME. This was just a few months after I started Zija, so I was starting to look and feel better and now I was happy!

Then I noticed that I was happy on the outside but still the same sad, lonely person on the inside. What I was saying was the truth and I was trying to live it but it wasn't working. There was a MAJOR disconnect.

.... But I digress, that's another blog for another time (sometime soon, that's for sure).

THIS blog is about relationships...

Everyone has their "LIST"... ya know, that list of traits and characteristics that you look for in a mate.  For probably the first time in my life, I was really taking a look at what I wanted and DIDN'T want in a man. The list ALWAYS starts with a job! And, in living in Atlanta, I think having a car is a very reasonable expectation. And, I would prefer if he had his own place. And this is where things got interesting.... I was becoming attracted to characteristics OVER looks. Looks are important, #truth, but I was seeing men who weren't "usually my type" as sexy, handsome, attractive, etc. Today, the sexiest thing I can find in a man is DRIVE, DETERMINATION, and GOALS.

There are a LOT of people in Atlanta who are doing their own thing; have their own business (side hustle) while working a job to pay the bills. I didn't really notice it at first, and it really took me by surprise when I finally realized the change that was happening! It's so sexy to see someone have a goal, have a dream, have PASSION and then WORK TOWARDS IT! I get chills just thinking about it ;)

Can 29 year olds have crushes? I think so... and the past 3 crushes I have had were all based on these new sexy traits. All 3 of them have jobs, apartments, and cars but they also have a drive and passion for their goal that I have never seen before. I knew them to different degrees but I didn't see that. All I saw was the drive, that passion.... and I think it blinded me. I didn't have a crush... I was drunk on passion! I was infatuated with the success that is bound to come.

I got to know these fine young men by being friends so now comes the tricky part. Here are the 2 schools of thought:

"The best relationships come out of friendships" VS. "Once you're in the 'friend zone' there's no coming back"

Ummmmm.... that is a mess. What do you do!??!? This is my current struggle.....

I've said it before and I'll say it again... this relationship 'ish is for the birds!

PS and people who say, "you'll find love when you're not looking for it, when you're not expecting it" ... I'm not really a fan of that school of thought right now!!! I'm ready to have a partner in life so I'm going to look for it. Does that mean I'll never find it!?!?!

Me... Love me or Leave me!

Some things I've realized over the past few weeks:

- I have great family and friends. That's not new but it needs to be said, often. And hopefully they know how much I love and adore them. Even the ones I don't see nearly often enough (ummm, ALL of them!). They are doing awesome amazing things in their lives that INSPIRE me every day. I want to be better for THEM! to make THEM proud!

- I give too much of myself. I am by NO means self-LESS (see below) but I give of myself far too much. And a lot of the time, to people/situations that don't deserve it. Ugh, that's annoying.

- I'm impatient. I get excited about stuff and want it NOW NOW NOW!!! I don't like waiting for things to happen. "Good things come to those who wait"... def NOT my most favorite saying! I don't like to spread things out... I want it to happen now. Why not now? Why wait? I know there's a time and place for everything; I just want that time and place to be N.O.W.

- I'm selfish. What's mine is mine and you can't have it. I'm not the biggest fan of sharing.... mostly people in my life. Things you can have but people, I don't like sharing. It's always MY mom, MY dad, MY bestie, MY friend, ME MY MINE. Period. The End. But let's be real, I have to share. And I do. But deep down inside, I don't really like it.

- I am NOT a sales person. People loved to tell me when I was job searching that I would be great in sales. I told them "no, thanks for believing in me but you're wrong" but consider it in the back of my mind. Since starting my "business," I've realized that I need to be more aggressive about selling ME.

- The fantasy in my head is better than reality. Most of the time. Some of the time, it's worse and when it's worse, it's 9347y37348620543  times worse because I can't get out of my head. Sometimes I find that I live in a fantasy world - good or bad - but either way, it's not reality. It's like I think I can WISH things into existence.

- I'm really naive about some things and sooooo unexplainably NOT naive about other things. Some may call it irrational, and some would be right.....

- I am easily infatuated by things, people, ideas. This has been SUPER annoying lately. Actually, after reading the definition of infatuation, it's not infatuation because it's not short-lived. I don't know what it is exactly... passionate maybe? Passion is awesome to have but it seems that lately, my passion has not been directed in the right places.

- I don't like to be alone as much as I used to. I love living alone but I miss having roomie nights, sleepovers, late night chats, etc. I still LOVE my alone time but don't want or need it as much. I think I like to be around people more because I enjoy listening to people and learning what they have to say, what they think.... pretty much, what can I learn from them.

- I put on a good show but my self-esteem is pretty low. What I say and what I feel on the inside are 95% of time completely different. I'm not lying to you, per say, I'm just not revealing my whole truth. But I think 99.9% of you would be completely surprised if you knew the whole truth.

- I'm scared. Mostly of rejection (and it is admittedly irrational) ... I've started to put myself out there lately but got burned so that just feeds my fear more!

- I love my life but want so much more and am struggling with how to get it.

- There's more to this life than what I'm experiencing now. There's so much more!

*Things do not change; we change*

Henry David Thoreau

Everyone changes; it's inevitable. Most people can't see the change in themselves because they are with themselves all day, every day (obviously). Many a relationships have been damaged or lost because someone changed - usually one person changes and the other one doesn't like HOW they changed, but usually it's because they don't like the simple fact that their friend/significant other changed at all. What they don't get is that CHANGE IS INEVITABLE! You can't get around it :)

I've changed in recent months, a lot. All (I think) for the better. It snuck up on me - honestly, it did! If you're reading this, there's no doubt you've heard about my success losing weight with Zija and my amazing trainers and that has been a big part of it. JC has opened my mind (in addition to the much needed weight loss) and has me thinking a lot. I've been doing The Positivity Challenge with my good friend Bridgette and it has me thinking and re-evaluating things. I've met some wonderful people that I have been blessed to be able to call my friends that push me to think and re-evaluate the things that I've always just believed, just because.

I wouldn't say I've lost any friendships during my change...... but I've definitely made the conscious decision who gets to spend more time with me and whose phone calls/texts/emails don't get returned! The hardest thing for me is the people I want in my life who aren't accepting of the changes I am making (because, yes, this is a conscious decision). It hurts and makes me sad.

**I wrote the above part of the blog back in May. Below, is my continuation...**

Change is scary though... and I understand why some people shy away from it, shun it. Change is HARD! Have you ever tried changing a toddler's diaper while they're trying to get to their toys? Have you ever had to change a tire? What about changing your socks with wet nails?! If change was easy, everyone would do. But, we get nannies, call AAA, and stay at the nail salon until our nails are COMPLETELY dry.

Changing can also be a LOT of fun!!! I've had a BLAST this last half of year changing into this great person that I am becoming! I am learning soooo much! And trust me, I'm not one for "school" or "book" learning - BORING - but this kind of learning is fun! I'm learning from different sources and, more importantly, learning how to trust my gut.

I truly believe I'm making changes for the better... but why don't you let me know?! :)