Me... Love me or Leave me!

Some things I've realized over the past few weeks:

- I have great family and friends. That's not new but it needs to be said, often. And hopefully they know how much I love and adore them. Even the ones I don't see nearly often enough (ummm, ALL of them!). They are doing awesome amazing things in their lives that INSPIRE me every day. I want to be better for THEM! to make THEM proud!

- I give too much of myself. I am by NO means self-LESS (see below) but I give of myself far too much. And a lot of the time, to people/situations that don't deserve it. Ugh, that's annoying.

- I'm impatient. I get excited about stuff and want it NOW NOW NOW!!! I don't like waiting for things to happen. "Good things come to those who wait"... def NOT my most favorite saying! I don't like to spread things out... I want it to happen now. Why not now? Why wait? I know there's a time and place for everything; I just want that time and place to be N.O.W.

- I'm selfish. What's mine is mine and you can't have it. I'm not the biggest fan of sharing.... mostly people in my life. Things you can have but people, I don't like sharing. It's always MY mom, MY dad, MY bestie, MY friend, ME MY MINE. Period. The End. But let's be real, I have to share. And I do. But deep down inside, I don't really like it.

- I am NOT a sales person. People loved to tell me when I was job searching that I would be great in sales. I told them "no, thanks for believing in me but you're wrong" but consider it in the back of my mind. Since starting my "business," I've realized that I need to be more aggressive about selling ME.

- The fantasy in my head is better than reality. Most of the time. Some of the time, it's worse and when it's worse, it's 9347y37348620543  times worse because I can't get out of my head. Sometimes I find that I live in a fantasy world - good or bad - but either way, it's not reality. It's like I think I can WISH things into existence.

- I'm really naive about some things and sooooo unexplainably NOT naive about other things. Some may call it irrational, and some would be right.....

- I am easily infatuated by things, people, ideas. This has been SUPER annoying lately. Actually, after reading the definition of infatuation, it's not infatuation because it's not short-lived. I don't know what it is exactly... passionate maybe? Passion is awesome to have but it seems that lately, my passion has not been directed in the right places.

- I don't like to be alone as much as I used to. I love living alone but I miss having roomie nights, sleepovers, late night chats, etc. I still LOVE my alone time but don't want or need it as much. I think I like to be around people more because I enjoy listening to people and learning what they have to say, what they think.... pretty much, what can I learn from them.

- I put on a good show but my self-esteem is pretty low. What I say and what I feel on the inside are 95% of time completely different. I'm not lying to you, per say, I'm just not revealing my whole truth. But I think 99.9% of you would be completely surprised if you knew the whole truth.

- I'm scared. Mostly of rejection (and it is admittedly irrational) ... I've started to put myself out there lately but got burned so that just feeds my fear more!

- I love my life but want so much more and am struggling with how to get it.

- There's more to this life than what I'm experiencing now. There's so much more!