Thoughts on Relationships.......

I don't really know how to start this, so I'll just jump in!

I just turned 29 and a lot of people my age are starting to get married and pop out kids... some are even on their 3rd and 4th!!! While I think 3 or 4 kids at my age (any age really) is a bit much (not for me - to each their own though), I'm definitely ready for the marriage part. Okay, definitely not MARRIAGE but definitely a relationship/partnership with someone.

Since moving to Atlanta I haven't really been that impressed with the dating scene. It's far to expensive to go out (cover charge, long lines, costly drinks, blah blah blah) - not to mention, am I really going to meet "The One" at the club, "dropping it low"?!?! lol, probably not! As you may have heard, the ratio to men to women is quite heavily favors men and I have found that that makes it harder for good women to stand out.

Now if I'm going to be COMPLETELY honest, I haven't really put myself out there as much as I could have (or should have, if I want to complain about it) but this isn't the place for my laundry list of excuses! I say it all the time, gotta get out to meet someone because Mr. Right is CLEARLY not in my apartment! Unfortunately, that's the only place I want to be - I'm a homebody!!!

I've met a lot of nice guys/dudes/men/gentlemen here in Atlanta.... I've met some at church, a few at work, and a couple at events that I've worked and through those people. But for one reason or another, it wasn't in the cards. I know where a lot of it comes from - my lack of self-esteem and experience. I'll set my eyes on someone and wait.... and wait.... and wait.... then the opportunity is gone (or what I thought the opportunity was).

A few months, I saw myself morphing into someone I did NOT like; I made some very questionable decisions (that still shame me to this day) and was not the kind of person I would want to be around. I could feel myself changing into someone I didn't like. And then a good friend of mine challenged me to 30 days of positivity. When she first brought it up, I said "no way, not gonna happen, not possible, blah blah blah!" but we agreed and I wanted to try this challenge. Much to my surprise, it's possible to be positive ALL. THE. TIME. This was just a few months after I started Zija, so I was starting to look and feel better and now I was happy!

Then I noticed that I was happy on the outside but still the same sad, lonely person on the inside. What I was saying was the truth and I was trying to live it but it wasn't working. There was a MAJOR disconnect.

.... But I digress, that's another blog for another time (sometime soon, that's for sure).

THIS blog is about relationships...

Everyone has their "LIST"... ya know, that list of traits and characteristics that you look for in a mate.  For probably the first time in my life, I was really taking a look at what I wanted and DIDN'T want in a man. The list ALWAYS starts with a job! And, in living in Atlanta, I think having a car is a very reasonable expectation. And, I would prefer if he had his own place. And this is where things got interesting.... I was becoming attracted to characteristics OVER looks. Looks are important, #truth, but I was seeing men who weren't "usually my type" as sexy, handsome, attractive, etc. Today, the sexiest thing I can find in a man is DRIVE, DETERMINATION, and GOALS.

There are a LOT of people in Atlanta who are doing their own thing; have their own business (side hustle) while working a job to pay the bills. I didn't really notice it at first, and it really took me by surprise when I finally realized the change that was happening! It's so sexy to see someone have a goal, have a dream, have PASSION and then WORK TOWARDS IT! I get chills just thinking about it ;)

Can 29 year olds have crushes? I think so... and the past 3 crushes I have had were all based on these new sexy traits. All 3 of them have jobs, apartments, and cars but they also have a drive and passion for their goal that I have never seen before. I knew them to different degrees but I didn't see that. All I saw was the drive, that passion.... and I think it blinded me. I didn't have a crush... I was drunk on passion! I was infatuated with the success that is bound to come.

I got to know these fine young men by being friends so now comes the tricky part. Here are the 2 schools of thought:

"The best relationships come out of friendships" VS. "Once you're in the 'friend zone' there's no coming back"

Ummmmm.... that is a mess. What do you do!??!? This is my current struggle.....

I've said it before and I'll say it again... this relationship 'ish is for the birds!

PS and people who say, "you'll find love when you're not looking for it, when you're not expecting it" ... I'm not really a fan of that school of thought right now!!! I'm ready to have a partner in life so I'm going to look for it. Does that mean I'll never find it!?!?!