Thoughts on Relationships.......

I don't really know how to start this, so I'll just jump in!

I just turned 29 and a lot of people my age are starting to get married and pop out kids... some are even on their 3rd and 4th!!! While I think 3 or 4 kids at my age (any age really) is a bit much (not for me - to each their own though), I'm definitely ready for the marriage part. Okay, definitely not MARRIAGE but definitely a relationship/partnership with someone.

Since moving to Atlanta I haven't really been that impressed with the dating scene. It's far to expensive to go out (cover charge, long lines, costly drinks, blah blah blah) - not to mention, am I really going to meet "The One" at the club, "dropping it low"?!?! lol, probably not! As you may have heard, the ratio to men to women is quite heavily favors men and I have found that that makes it harder for good women to stand out.

Now if I'm going to be COMPLETELY honest, I haven't really put myself out there as much as I could have (or should have, if I want to complain about it) but this isn't the place for my laundry list of excuses! I say it all the time, gotta get out to meet someone because Mr. Right is CLEARLY not in my apartment! Unfortunately, that's the only place I want to be - I'm a homebody!!!

I've met a lot of nice guys/dudes/men/gentlemen here in Atlanta.... I've met some at church, a few at work, and a couple at events that I've worked and through those people. But for one reason or another, it wasn't in the cards. I know where a lot of it comes from - my lack of self-esteem and experience. I'll set my eyes on someone and wait.... and wait.... and wait.... then the opportunity is gone (or what I thought the opportunity was).

A few months, I saw myself morphing into someone I did NOT like; I made some very questionable decisions (that still shame me to this day) and was not the kind of person I would want to be around. I could feel myself changing into someone I didn't like. And then a good friend of mine challenged me to 30 days of positivity. When she first brought it up, I said "no way, not gonna happen, not possible, blah blah blah!" but we agreed and I wanted to try this challenge. Much to my surprise, it's possible to be positive ALL. THE. TIME. This was just a few months after I started Zija, so I was starting to look and feel better and now I was happy!

Then I noticed that I was happy on the outside but still the same sad, lonely person on the inside. What I was saying was the truth and I was trying to live it but it wasn't working. There was a MAJOR disconnect.

.... But I digress, that's another blog for another time (sometime soon, that's for sure).

THIS blog is about relationships...

Everyone has their "LIST"... ya know, that list of traits and characteristics that you look for in a mate.  For probably the first time in my life, I was really taking a look at what I wanted and DIDN'T want in a man. The list ALWAYS starts with a job! And, in living in Atlanta, I think having a car is a very reasonable expectation. And, I would prefer if he had his own place. And this is where things got interesting.... I was becoming attracted to characteristics OVER looks. Looks are important, #truth, but I was seeing men who weren't "usually my type" as sexy, handsome, attractive, etc. Today, the sexiest thing I can find in a man is DRIVE, DETERMINATION, and GOALS.

There are a LOT of people in Atlanta who are doing their own thing; have their own business (side hustle) while working a job to pay the bills. I didn't really notice it at first, and it really took me by surprise when I finally realized the change that was happening! It's so sexy to see someone have a goal, have a dream, have PASSION and then WORK TOWARDS IT! I get chills just thinking about it ;)

Can 29 year olds have crushes? I think so... and the past 3 crushes I have had were all based on these new sexy traits. All 3 of them have jobs, apartments, and cars but they also have a drive and passion for their goal that I have never seen before. I knew them to different degrees but I didn't see that. All I saw was the drive, that passion.... and I think it blinded me. I didn't have a crush... I was drunk on passion! I was infatuated with the success that is bound to come.

I got to know these fine young men by being friends so now comes the tricky part. Here are the 2 schools of thought:

"The best relationships come out of friendships" VS. "Once you're in the 'friend zone' there's no coming back"

Ummmmm.... that is a mess. What do you do!??!? This is my current struggle.....

I've said it before and I'll say it again... this relationship 'ish is for the birds!

PS and people who say, "you'll find love when you're not looking for it, when you're not expecting it" ... I'm not really a fan of that school of thought right now!!! I'm ready to have a partner in life so I'm going to look for it. Does that mean I'll never find it!?!?!

Me... Love me or Leave me!

Some things I've realized over the past few weeks:

- I have great family and friends. That's not new but it needs to be said, often. And hopefully they know how much I love and adore them. Even the ones I don't see nearly often enough (ummm, ALL of them!). They are doing awesome amazing things in their lives that INSPIRE me every day. I want to be better for THEM! to make THEM proud!

- I give too much of myself. I am by NO means self-LESS (see below) but I give of myself far too much. And a lot of the time, to people/situations that don't deserve it. Ugh, that's annoying.

- I'm impatient. I get excited about stuff and want it NOW NOW NOW!!! I don't like waiting for things to happen. "Good things come to those who wait"... def NOT my most favorite saying! I don't like to spread things out... I want it to happen now. Why not now? Why wait? I know there's a time and place for everything; I just want that time and place to be N.O.W.

- I'm selfish. What's mine is mine and you can't have it. I'm not the biggest fan of sharing.... mostly people in my life. Things you can have but people, I don't like sharing. It's always MY mom, MY dad, MY bestie, MY friend, ME MY MINE. Period. The End. But let's be real, I have to share. And I do. But deep down inside, I don't really like it.

- I am NOT a sales person. People loved to tell me when I was job searching that I would be great in sales. I told them "no, thanks for believing in me but you're wrong" but consider it in the back of my mind. Since starting my "business," I've realized that I need to be more aggressive about selling ME.

- The fantasy in my head is better than reality. Most of the time. Some of the time, it's worse and when it's worse, it's 9347y37348620543  times worse because I can't get out of my head. Sometimes I find that I live in a fantasy world - good or bad - but either way, it's not reality. It's like I think I can WISH things into existence.

- I'm really naive about some things and sooooo unexplainably NOT naive about other things. Some may call it irrational, and some would be right.....

- I am easily infatuated by things, people, ideas. This has been SUPER annoying lately. Actually, after reading the definition of infatuation, it's not infatuation because it's not short-lived. I don't know what it is exactly... passionate maybe? Passion is awesome to have but it seems that lately, my passion has not been directed in the right places.

- I don't like to be alone as much as I used to. I love living alone but I miss having roomie nights, sleepovers, late night chats, etc. I still LOVE my alone time but don't want or need it as much. I think I like to be around people more because I enjoy listening to people and learning what they have to say, what they think.... pretty much, what can I learn from them.

- I put on a good show but my self-esteem is pretty low. What I say and what I feel on the inside are 95% of time completely different. I'm not lying to you, per say, I'm just not revealing my whole truth. But I think 99.9% of you would be completely surprised if you knew the whole truth.

- I'm scared. Mostly of rejection (and it is admittedly irrational) ... I've started to put myself out there lately but got burned so that just feeds my fear more!

- I love my life but want so much more and am struggling with how to get it.

- There's more to this life than what I'm experiencing now. There's so much more!

*Things do not change; we change*

Henry David Thoreau

Everyone changes; it's inevitable. Most people can't see the change in themselves because they are with themselves all day, every day (obviously). Many a relationships have been damaged or lost because someone changed - usually one person changes and the other one doesn't like HOW they changed, but usually it's because they don't like the simple fact that their friend/significant other changed at all. What they don't get is that CHANGE IS INEVITABLE! You can't get around it :)

I've changed in recent months, a lot. All (I think) for the better. It snuck up on me - honestly, it did! If you're reading this, there's no doubt you've heard about my success losing weight with Zija and my amazing trainers and that has been a big part of it. JC has opened my mind (in addition to the much needed weight loss) and has me thinking a lot. I've been doing The Positivity Challenge with my good friend Bridgette and it has me thinking and re-evaluating things. I've met some wonderful people that I have been blessed to be able to call my friends that push me to think and re-evaluate the things that I've always just believed, just because.

I wouldn't say I've lost any friendships during my change...... but I've definitely made the conscious decision who gets to spend more time with me and whose phone calls/texts/emails don't get returned! The hardest thing for me is the people I want in my life who aren't accepting of the changes I am making (because, yes, this is a conscious decision). It hurts and makes me sad.

**I wrote the above part of the blog back in May. Below, is my continuation...**

Change is scary though... and I understand why some people shy away from it, shun it. Change is HARD! Have you ever tried changing a toddler's diaper while they're trying to get to their toys? Have you ever had to change a tire? What about changing your socks with wet nails?! If change was easy, everyone would do. But, we get nannies, call AAA, and stay at the nail salon until our nails are COMPLETELY dry.

Changing can also be a LOT of fun!!! I've had a BLAST this last half of year changing into this great person that I am becoming! I am learning soooo much! And trust me, I'm not one for "school" or "book" learning - BORING - but this kind of learning is fun! I'm learning from different sources and, more importantly, learning how to trust my gut.

I truly believe I'm making changes for the better... but why don't you let me know?! :)

My Zija Story

By now, I'm sure you've heard me say SOMETHING about Zija. If you haven't, pay closer attention! :) So, sit down, settle in, and get ready because this is MY Zija story.


I can't tell you the exact day it began but it was a few months ago around 10pm on a Saturday night when one of my trainers (yep, I have 2 awesome trainers but more on that later), JC, called to tell me about this presentation he just went to and how this product was going to change lives. Just so you know, JC is ALL about health and fitness so he was beyond stoked and couldn't wait to tell me alllll about it. I, of course, took it all in and waited to ask questions until I could process it more (and for him to calm down just a bit).


Fast forward a few weeks, and JC is all about Zija. He did an experiment on himself that was an intense meal plan and working out plus Zija but with him being a trainer who was already in shape, I was still a lil unsure of how it would work on me. And let me tell you, it worked. I didn't think it was possible for someone with 8% body fat to get any lower or get even more ripped. But he did it. And kept it off after he went back to eating normal (not fatty, but normal foods)!

Now let me back up just a smidge.... I've been working out for quite some time and I have tried EVERYTHING. I joined LA Fitness as soon as I moved to Atlanta and signed up for 1 personal training session per month (it was all I could afford). I saw a few results but nothing to write home about. After being lazy for quite some time (and gaining weight!), I had racked up enough sessions to do them once per week. And after using all my sessions for like 2 months, I was hooked - I must see a trainer every week! So, last July, JC talked me into 1 session per week (he had been wearing me down). Couldn't really afford it but I was determined to lose weight dammit!


So, July 7th I started with my other trainer, IB (Get Fitted!). And from July 2011 until March 2012, I managed to lose a pound or 2 per month (if that), sometimes even going up. I just couldn't get over the hump - I was listening to IB and JC, eating right (I wasn't perfect but putting in the effort and doing better than the past), pushing myself when I was working out on my own, and NOTHING changed!!! I was so super frustrated and it was getting to IB too!!!

Here is the first 6 months of my evaluations ... you'll see, not too much change :(

And here we have my last 3 months ... went down 4%body fat and 3 pounds from the beginning of March to the beginning of April. When we weighed in for April, I have been on Zija for 5 days!!! And now in May, I'm down 2% and almost 7 pounds.

So, now we're all caught up.... JC tells me about his experiment which seems super cool but super intense and something that I wasn't quite ready for. He kept telling me about the Zija stuff and even gave me a few samples. I could definitely tell the energy difference right away and the tea was the best cleanse I've ever done! He sends me some articles to read, gives me information on the weekly call they have, and sends me to the website. It all looks good ... the stuff isn't too tasty but that's neither here nor there. I check out the website and realize this will an investment (for someone who is underemployed and works in retail), so with Margo's wedding coming up, I had to put it off until after.


Wedding happens (congrats Margo & Jordan), I order the goods (March 25), it arrives (March 30) and April 1st - GAME ON!!! I weigh in with JC, take my before pictures and start the program. Mind you, I'm doing the SAME workouts (via IB) and am eating mostly the same (now I get my food fresh from the Farmer's Market). Fast forward 30 days.... I am down almost 7 pounds and 2% body fat (and those numbers would have been better but I went out to eat the night before weigh in! dang it)!!! I have NEVER lost that much weight/body fat in 1 month EVER. EVER EVERRRRR! I am SOLD!!! I am a BELIEVER!!!


During April, JC starts an ab clinic on Tuesday and Thursday mornings, I continue eating better (with less mess ups), and doing "IB approved workouts".... but more importantly, I feel a LOT better. I have more energy, feel healthier, and have a ton more energy. More energy as in waking up for 6a workouts every day!!!


Last week, JC tells me there's a diet he wants me to try. Lo and behold, it's the experiment he did on himself that I wasn't so sure would work on me. For 5 days, all I am allowed to eat is protein... as in egg whites, chicken, and fish - NO seasonings - plus my Zija, obviously. He recommends getting a waist belt to use during my workouts, I get the waist belt. He says he's going to work me out twice a day, so I do 2-a-days with JC plus my monthly workout with IB (because it was our week to workout and I apparently am okay with dying at 28). And here we are, day 4. I'm not sure if I'm going to make it but I sure as hell am going to try. This is THE hardest thing I have ever done in my life but IT IS WORKING. Eating all protein and Zija has allowed me to lose 8 pounds already. In 4 days.


So, how does this Zija stuff work?! Without getting too technical.... Zija comes from the Moringa Tree and is packed with all the nutrients, vitamins, and minerals that your body needs. And when your body gets what it needs, it's able to function better (hence, more energy). Coupled with eating clean and my workouts, the Zija is helping to increase my metabolism and allows me to burn the body fat I already have.


There's not much more to say... this stuff is LEGIT (as in TOO LEGIT TO QUIT). If you want to be healthier, Zija. If you want to lose weight, Zija. If you want results, Zija and IB/JC. Just kidding, you can do it without those 2 but they make it a lot more fun! :)))


I can't wait to show y'all my before and after pictures!!! I still have a lil ways to go but dang, I am well on my way!

That's it. That's MY Zija story. You don't have to take my word for it... read all about Zija and the Moringa Tree here: www.scross3.myzija.com and then call me with questions.

Be blessed,

Stacy

Things to Do in Atlanta

This idea came to me the NIGHT before social media began. Literally! I went to bed Saturday evening and said to myself, "I can't wait to write this up tomorrow" and when I got to church the next morning, Mama Seed told me what was on the prayer card and what we were fasting from - Social Media - I said to myself, "Are you for real?!!? I have to wait a WHOLE week to write this blog?!!?"

Anyway, here we are, a week later and I lived :) Then, an amazing thing happened on Saturday - I rode MARTA for the first time! It was sooo super exciting too! I went to FSO with Bridgette and Atiya and to avoid traffic and paying stupid money for parking, we decided to take MARTA. We met at Atiya's place and rode the train down. I lived in LI for a summer and my Aunt and cousins have lived in LI for all my life, in addition to many trips to visit Yudes in NYC so I've rode the subway before but this was different. And it was a lot of fun! It's nothing like the NYC Subway system (thank Lord) but something I could get used to!

So, this leads me to my LIST .. I've been in the A for 2 years - hard to believe right?!?! - and haven't done anything really Atlanta-ish. I want people to come visit me but other than seeing me, what are we going to do!? What are we going to see?! I know all the stuff EVERYONE knows - The World of Coke, Aquarium (went with Skylar - awesome!!!), GA Dome, etc. - but I want to know all the stuff that only people who KNOW Atlanta know. And I'm starting to know some stuff but because of my stuff job in retail (ughhhhhhh) I can't ever plan to do anything fun! :(

Here's my challenge to YOU, all of my fellow readers: send me all the Atlanta things I just HAVE to do. I won't put any limitations on it except to say I don't like animals so the zoo probably isn't going to make the list of places I'm going to try and I don't like rollercoasters so Six Flags is probably out as well, unless you know of some visitors pass (I enjoy going to hang out with people - I'm an excellent purse/bag holder and picture taker!). Not saying I'm going to do EVERYTHING, but I'm definitely going to give everything some good thought - this is a year of trying new things, WHY NOT?!!? Oh, and if you know of any good food places, send them my way - you know I love me some food!

Last thing - feel free to email, facebook, twitter, text, whatever you need to do to get your suggestion to me if you don't have an account to post your comment on here :) Thanks in advance!

Smooches,
S

Fasting from Social Media

I took a week off of Facebook and Twitter last week as part of Impact's 40 Days of Prayer. I'm a little bit upset with myself that this was the first one that I truly committed myself to but I think I learned a lot from this one week. And I definitely grew a lot from this experience. It wasn't as hard as I originally thought it would be. When I'm out and about and bored, fb and twitter keep me occupied and that's where I thought it would be hardest, so I deleted the apps from my phone immediately - no need to be tempted, right?! I had plenty of work to do at home so that wasn't a problem either. After the first few days, it wasn't that bad. It got bad towards the end of the week .. especially when I needed to get in touch with a friend who's phone was stolen and fb was the only way I could get in touch with her. I'm kinda over fb for now, we'll see how that progresses. I was never really obsessed with Twitter (there were definitely times I was OBSESSED with fb!!), I like reading people tweets and RT-ing things but I don't tweet that much. Either way, it was a great experience and I'm glad I did it :)

30 Things A Woman Should Do Before 30...

I realize the point of a blog is to write your own stuff but this list was just tooooo good not to post. So, here is the disclaimer - I did NOT write this!!! But, I did make notes next to them so you can see the progress I am making! :)

1. Have a passport - Thanks to my parents I've had a passport since I was quite young!
2. Have at least 1 international stamp on your CURRENT passport. (Excluding the Caribbean, Canada and Mexico) - I have all of those plus France, thanks to marching band in high school. And I plan on getting a lot more!
3. Have a checking AND savings account- both in good standing. - I have both accounts and neither of them are ever in the negative .. that means they are in good standing, right?! ;)
4. Have a playbook (or strategic plan) for your life. 1/5/10 year growth plan to include finances, family, faith, dreams. - Definitely a work in progress. I have some plans!
5. Have a “Happy Place” list- all things/places which enhance your life.
6. Attend a VIP event as a guest.
7. Donate TIME to help a charity.
8. Have a MENTOR for “work” stuff.
9. Have a MENTOR for “life” stuff.
10. Have at least ONE mentee. (Each one reach one).
11. Have a therapist on speed dial.
12. Have a Fab-Five: 5 good friends who don’t let you slide with bs, and who keep you in check AND have your best interest at heart. - Figuring this out more and more, day by day.
13. Be able to look in the mirror and be “OK” with who looks back. - I can honestly say YES!!! This just happened within the last year but it happened!!! :)
14. Have an HIV test. POW!
15. Have an ANNUAL pap smear. - Done and DONE. Since I was 14. Thanks Mama Ross!
16. Have an oral exam.
17. Read the entire Bible (I suggest a focus on proverbs’ life lessons because they have a different meaning during this “next” phase of life). - Since joining !mpact, this has become more important to me and WILL be done before I turn 30.
18. Buy “The Utmost for His Highest” by Oswald Chambers.
19. Forgive yourself for “it” (whatever “it” is). Lighten up on yourself. Life is short… Have fun. - Starting to get better at this. Some things are easier than others but I'm not holding on to EVERYTHING like I used to...
20. Do something extreme (sky diving, zip lining, surfing, etc). - I went on the motorcycle ride, I'm planning on getting a tattoo soon, going ziplining - it's like I'm a whole new person! lol ;)
21. Review your schedule and make sure you have “me-time” EVERY week.
22. Make a vision board. - Just got the board and can't WAIT to finally do it!
23. Send a note to a friend (handwritten, not #Twitter ). - yep! And it makes their day, which then makes my day!
24. BUY some high quality stationary.
25. Treat yourself to a 5-star meal.
26. Go to a Broadway or Off-Broadway musical/play.
27. Spend the night at a 4-5 star hotel. - Thanks to my sister, Adrie, sure have!!!
28. Take a Spa Trip to Sedona (or anywhere in AZ actually).
29. Have a meeting/meal with a politician. - In high school, sure did!
30. Hug yourself, and MEAN it. - Literally? Yep, who doesn't love a good hug?!

What are some of the other things you think women should do by 30?

So, that's 11 with 4 in progress .. so I'm only half way thru with less than 2 years to go. Um, I need to get my bootie in gear!!! Ready .. Set .. GOOOOOO!

Love and smooches,

S