Okay so there are sooooooo many fabulous people and things in my life that I decided to share (since I share all the crappy stuff)...
My family is great - they are seriously the best people in my life. Don't get me wrong, they drive me freaking crazy on a DAILY basis but when it comes down to it, they are there for me. Through thick and thin, good times, bad times, always!
*My mom always takes the time to look over my cover letters and resume. She was even super duper sick and took the time to make sense of my insurance options at my craptastic job :)
*My dad is always checking my bank accounts to make sure I'm not overdrawn and when I am, gives me a lil to cover until my previously mentioned craptastic job pays me the craptastic hourly wage.
*My sisters have comforting words for me, reaffirming how much they believe in me (most of the time).
*My aunt sends me jobs all the time, reviews my resume, and talks my ear off about how my next job is right around the corner.
*My cousins ... well they love me unconditionally and always have some smart ass comment to get me to crack a smile. And give me great reasons to spend my last dime on a crazy weekend!
*And my grandparents, well they are amazing in their old age and I would loveeee to be that great when I'm that age :)
OMG and can I tell you about my friends?!?! Most of them live nowhere NEAR close to me yet still manage to bring a smile to my face. The ones that I get to see here in Atlanta, no matter how few they are, are usually good for a laugh, and a good pencil fight! Some of my recent favs:
*Lovebug's text message about Cuse
*Brooke knowing how much I love Cuse and sending me updates when I had to work during the game
*Random texts and facebook notes
*Long conversations about nothing with Flynn ... especially her listening to me talk about the same damn thing, giving me the same damn advice, and only once a conversation telling me how right she always is
*Phone dates with Heather- catching up on life, planning reunion trips, and reminiscing about old times.
*The fact that Brooke knows exactly how I feel ... and commiserating with her about the world sucking!
*Roz's sarcasm and knowledge of football ... which is more than most dudes on NBC, ESPN, FOX, and CBS. And most NFL coaches. It's a shame the Bills didn't hire her!
*Diana's "jajaja"-ing alll the freaking time.
*The FUN people at my craptastic job who make it bearable when they are there ... and for allowing me to complain when I'm there and they aren't!
*And of course, my great friends from high school who I don't get to talk to (or see!) as often as I would prefer but are always good for a vote of confidence or offer to kill someone for me :)
And I def have NOT forgotten all my other friends (who I didn't name), but who are there for me with a funny comment, story, ear to listen, etc ... I freaking love you!!! And you should know that when I'm complaining about life and how I hate it: you get me through those days.
So, thank you!!! THANK you!!! THANK YOUUUUU!!!!! Please continue to be my amazing graces and believing in me, and loving me.
How's that for happy!?!!?
Smooches,
S
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Sunday, January 24, 2010
I've gone blind
Why can’t I see what’s in front of me? Why can’t I see that there are some things that are just NOT worth saving? In some ways, I’m a hoarder. I have a lot of shit … physical, emotional, technical – lots and lots of things that I just don’t really have a need for anymore.
The one thing that I can’t seem to get rid of that bothers me is the dead weight of friendships that are dead. Old magazines, shoes, purses, bank statements take up physical space; for me, this is not a problem right now. I have a cousin-sister and parents who love keeping all my crap in their garage and basement and “my” bedroom. What I don’t have the space for is emotions for friendships that can NOT be saved!
It happened after high school, after undergrad, and now it’s happening post-grad. I coped okay after high school, didn’t really LOSE friends, more of changing friendships. After undergrad, I didn’t really realize it was happening. I didn’t think they were lost so I didn’t do that much to keep them. I realize now I should have tried harder but ya live ya learn, right?!
This post-grad thing is what’s really getting me. These are people that I saw in my wedding, helping me raise my kids, planning “Ladies Only Trips” with, and growing old together. These are people who I thought would always play a big role in my life … we’ve been through a lot and now I don’t know anything about their lives. It makes me sad.
But it also pisses me off. It pisses me off because I feel like I held our relationship in higher regard than you. I feel like you don’t care enough to put in the time and energy to work on our friendship. And that’s the point that I stop caring, right? NOPE! I should but I guess I’m some sort of sentimentalist … ugh! I wish I could just stop remembering the fun times and move on. But for whatever reason, I can’t! My great friends who DO put in the work, tell me that these people don’t deserve me. And I know that, I really do. But, I get used to having people in my life and don’t want to let it go.
Yep, people change, life changes people and things can’t always stay the same. And I definitely hate change but this is more than change. This is excuses, this is laziness, this is LAME. There’s nothing really for me to do, other than move on I can’t help holding on. I know I’m holding on to memories and nothing concrete but I can’t help it. Mostly, I miss my friends. I miss our memories. I miss my dreams of creating more memories.
The one thing that I can’t seem to get rid of that bothers me is the dead weight of friendships that are dead. Old magazines, shoes, purses, bank statements take up physical space; for me, this is not a problem right now. I have a cousin-sister and parents who love keeping all my crap in their garage and basement and “my” bedroom. What I don’t have the space for is emotions for friendships that can NOT be saved!
It happened after high school, after undergrad, and now it’s happening post-grad. I coped okay after high school, didn’t really LOSE friends, more of changing friendships. After undergrad, I didn’t really realize it was happening. I didn’t think they were lost so I didn’t do that much to keep them. I realize now I should have tried harder but ya live ya learn, right?!
This post-grad thing is what’s really getting me. These are people that I saw in my wedding, helping me raise my kids, planning “Ladies Only Trips” with, and growing old together. These are people who I thought would always play a big role in my life … we’ve been through a lot and now I don’t know anything about their lives. It makes me sad.
But it also pisses me off. It pisses me off because I feel like I held our relationship in higher regard than you. I feel like you don’t care enough to put in the time and energy to work on our friendship. And that’s the point that I stop caring, right? NOPE! I should but I guess I’m some sort of sentimentalist … ugh! I wish I could just stop remembering the fun times and move on. But for whatever reason, I can’t! My great friends who DO put in the work, tell me that these people don’t deserve me. And I know that, I really do. But, I get used to having people in my life and don’t want to let it go.
Yep, people change, life changes people and things can’t always stay the same. And I definitely hate change but this is more than change. This is excuses, this is laziness, this is LAME. There’s nothing really for me to do, other than move on I can’t help holding on. I know I’m holding on to memories and nothing concrete but I can’t help it. Mostly, I miss my friends. I miss our memories. I miss my dreams of creating more memories.
Death is not very becoming ...
I feel like I’m dying the slowest of deaths ... not physically, I'm in tip top shape. Not spiritually, because God is in my every day. I'm not sure WHAT kind of death I am experiencing right now but I hateeeee it!
Change is a part of life but there’s something to be said for changes for the worse. I feel like the best parts of me are dying. And there is one thing that is causing this slow death. Unfortunately I can’t name this one thing because of a paper I signed but I think the 3 people reading this can guess!
It was supposed to be a temporary position, a way for me to earn money while looking for my next calling. But my parents raised me to be ambitious; I’m a leader; I’m not the complacent type. And when the opportunity for a “raise” and “promotion” came, I jumped at the chance. What it turned out to be was a lot of extra aggravation and not a whole lot of compensation or anything else.
It’s changed who I am, who I want to be, and the kind of person I am. And I HATE it. I absolutely hate how I act, how I feel, and how I hate the majority of my days (because they are spent at this place). The people I work with, for the most part, are horrendous … they don’t know how to treat people, don’t know how to act, and are not the kind of people that I like to be around. The company is rather messed up in its way of doing things and treating people.
I get mad a lot lately. I did all the right things, I followed the rules so that I would NOT be in this situation. And the economy laughed at me and said “HAHA, I win!” I’m pretty much back where I started my “career” – in retail. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with working in retail but it’s not what I want to do with my life. My life is meant for event planning. My life is meant for sports marketing. My life is meant to be around people who love what they do.
This place and situation are killing me … and it’s the worst kind of death: slow. I’m dying a slow death and if I don’t get out soon, I will completely dead.
Change is a part of life but there’s something to be said for changes for the worse. I feel like the best parts of me are dying. And there is one thing that is causing this slow death. Unfortunately I can’t name this one thing because of a paper I signed but I think the 3 people reading this can guess!
It was supposed to be a temporary position, a way for me to earn money while looking for my next calling. But my parents raised me to be ambitious; I’m a leader; I’m not the complacent type. And when the opportunity for a “raise” and “promotion” came, I jumped at the chance. What it turned out to be was a lot of extra aggravation and not a whole lot of compensation or anything else.
It’s changed who I am, who I want to be, and the kind of person I am. And I HATE it. I absolutely hate how I act, how I feel, and how I hate the majority of my days (because they are spent at this place). The people I work with, for the most part, are horrendous … they don’t know how to treat people, don’t know how to act, and are not the kind of people that I like to be around. The company is rather messed up in its way of doing things and treating people.
I get mad a lot lately. I did all the right things, I followed the rules so that I would NOT be in this situation. And the economy laughed at me and said “HAHA, I win!” I’m pretty much back where I started my “career” – in retail. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with working in retail but it’s not what I want to do with my life. My life is meant for event planning. My life is meant for sports marketing. My life is meant to be around people who love what they do.
This place and situation are killing me … and it’s the worst kind of death: slow. I’m dying a slow death and if I don’t get out soon, I will completely dead.
Show me ... SHOW ME!
*Actions speak louder than words* … such a cliché! But how true is it? People are all about words … “I love you”, “I promise I won’t let you down”, “We’ll always be friends”, “I’ll never lie to you” … the list goes on. And on and on and on! I’d much rather you show me … SHOW me you love me, always tell me the truth, always be my friend. Always … never … strong words right? I’m okay with that. I’m okay with being held to a higher standard. If me being a better person will help me get better out of people then HELL YES!
I try to hold myself to a high standard. Not high in the “I’m better than you” way but high in the fact that when I’m say I’m going to do something I do it. When I say, I’ll be there, I’ll be there. When I say I love you, I mean that I love you – all of you – the good – the bad – the ugly – the annoying. When I promise, I come through. If I can’t do something, I don’t say it.
And what I get back on a daily basis make me not believe in people … it makes me not trust me … and it makes me see the bad in people. I’ve become a jaded cynic. It pisses me off because I miss the person I used to be. I miss being happy and seeing the good in this world. But I can’t … all I see on a daily basis is distrust, dishonesty, and hatred.
But guess what … this is a growing stage for me. I don’t know a lot right now: I don’t know when I will get a real job. I don’t know when I’ll meet the man I’ll marry. I don’t know when I’ll have kids. Shoot, I don’t know when I will have my own place. But I do know this – I will make it through this shitty phase of my life. I will come through on the other side a better person. I am going to lean on my growing relationship with God, my family, and the few friends who have proved to be worthy.
So I leave you with this: whether you met me yesterday, 2 months ago, 5 years, 10 years, or have known me my whole life – I am going through some changes right now but they are making me a stronger person. When I come out on the other side I will be THAT much stronger, I will be THAT much more loving, and most of all, I will be myself with a little bit of life knowledge sprinkled in.
I try to hold myself to a high standard. Not high in the “I’m better than you” way but high in the fact that when I’m say I’m going to do something I do it. When I say, I’ll be there, I’ll be there. When I say I love you, I mean that I love you – all of you – the good – the bad – the ugly – the annoying. When I promise, I come through. If I can’t do something, I don’t say it.
And what I get back on a daily basis make me not believe in people … it makes me not trust me … and it makes me see the bad in people. I’ve become a jaded cynic. It pisses me off because I miss the person I used to be. I miss being happy and seeing the good in this world. But I can’t … all I see on a daily basis is distrust, dishonesty, and hatred.
But guess what … this is a growing stage for me. I don’t know a lot right now: I don’t know when I will get a real job. I don’t know when I’ll meet the man I’ll marry. I don’t know when I’ll have kids. Shoot, I don’t know when I will have my own place. But I do know this – I will make it through this shitty phase of my life. I will come through on the other side a better person. I am going to lean on my growing relationship with God, my family, and the few friends who have proved to be worthy.
So I leave you with this: whether you met me yesterday, 2 months ago, 5 years, 10 years, or have known me my whole life – I am going through some changes right now but they are making me a stronger person. When I come out on the other side I will be THAT much stronger, I will be THAT much more loving, and most of all, I will be myself with a little bit of life knowledge sprinkled in.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
