Death is not very becoming ...

I feel like I’m dying the slowest of deaths ... not physically, I'm in tip top shape. Not spiritually, because God is in my every day. I'm not sure WHAT kind of death I am experiencing right now but I hateeeee it!

Change is a part of life but there’s something to be said for changes for the worse. I feel like the best parts of me are dying. And there is one thing that is causing this slow death. Unfortunately I can’t name this one thing because of a paper I signed but I think the 3 people reading this can guess!

It was supposed to be a temporary position, a way for me to earn money while looking for my next calling. But my parents raised me to be ambitious; I’m a leader; I’m not the complacent type. And when the opportunity for a “raise” and “promotion” came, I jumped at the chance. What it turned out to be was a lot of extra aggravation and not a whole lot of compensation or anything else.

It’s changed who I am, who I want to be, and the kind of person I am. And I HATE it. I absolutely hate how I act, how I feel, and how I hate the majority of my days (because they are spent at this place). The people I work with, for the most part, are horrendous … they don’t know how to treat people, don’t know how to act, and are not the kind of people that I like to be around. The company is rather messed up in its way of doing things and treating people.

I get mad a lot lately. I did all the right things, I followed the rules so that I would NOT be in this situation. And the economy laughed at me and said “HAHA, I win!” I’m pretty much back where I started my “career” – in retail. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with working in retail but it’s not what I want to do with my life. My life is meant for event planning. My life is meant for sports marketing. My life is meant to be around people who love what they do.

This place and situation are killing me … and it’s the worst kind of death: slow. I’m dying a slow death and if I don’t get out soon, I will completely dead.