Show me ... SHOW ME!

*Actions speak louder than words* … such a cliché! But how true is it? People are all about words … “I love you”, “I promise I won’t let you down”, “We’ll always be friends”, “I’ll never lie to you” … the list goes on. And on and on and on! I’d much rather you show me … SHOW me you love me, always tell me the truth, always be my friend. Always … never … strong words right? I’m okay with that. I’m okay with being held to a higher standard. If me being a better person will help me get better out of people then HELL YES!

I try to hold myself to a high standard. Not high in the “I’m better than you” way but high in the fact that when I’m say I’m going to do something I do it. When I say, I’ll be there, I’ll be there. When I say I love you, I mean that I love you – all of you – the good – the bad – the ugly – the annoying. When I promise, I come through. If I can’t do something, I don’t say it.

And what I get back on a daily basis make me not believe in people … it makes me not trust me … and it makes me see the bad in people. I’ve become a jaded cynic. It pisses me off because I miss the person I used to be. I miss being happy and seeing the good in this world. But I can’t … all I see on a daily basis is distrust, dishonesty, and hatred.

But guess what … this is a growing stage for me. I don’t know a lot right now: I don’t know when I will get a real job. I don’t know when I’ll meet the man I’ll marry. I don’t know when I’ll have kids. Shoot, I don’t know when I will have my own place. But I do know this – I will make it through this shitty phase of my life. I will come through on the other side a better person. I am going to lean on my growing relationship with God, my family, and the few friends who have proved to be worthy.

So I leave you with this: whether you met me yesterday, 2 months ago, 5 years, 10 years, or have known me my whole life – I am going through some changes right now but they are making me a stronger person. When I come out on the other side I will be THAT much stronger, I will be THAT much more loving, and most of all, I will be myself with a little bit of life knowledge sprinkled in.